he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Watching her eat just hurts me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
