Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
