apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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