I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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