she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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