Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
