Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
