and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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