I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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