Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
