Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
