Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
