Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
