it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
