My brain says no but my pants say off.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
