I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
where are you?
Hypothermia
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
