We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
