Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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