You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
