I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
