why didn't you poke me back
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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