I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This house was built for laser tag.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
