Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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