Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
