Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
