I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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