my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
