dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
