Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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