Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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