i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
