Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
