She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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