I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
