btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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