Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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