$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
