I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
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Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
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Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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