so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
