To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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