so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
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6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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