He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
