I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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