So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
