just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
