You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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