you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
