I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
