You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
