Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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