dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
