Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
