Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
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If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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