I want to make a zoo with you.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
