He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
