On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
