i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
