Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
