home. puking in laundry basket.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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