No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
