I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
