It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
