This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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