Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
