Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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